After escaping the clutches of Hong Kong Phooey's filing cabinet, I set fire to the gypsy caravan site and turned on the TV. Sue Boyle was rearing her ugly face so I switched to UK Gold and the Amazing World of Kreskin.
Kreskin was shuffling a pack of cards
"There are Fifty two cards in a pack. This number represents the combined weight of the two heaviest people in Whaley Bridge,Russell Hambleton and Andrew Gibson. The cards are split into the four suits, bought for Darren Crompton by his mother from the local charity shop.
"The Clubs are a constant reminder of the legendary Bowling Club disco's and their swift demise after a late goal by David Platt.at Italia 90.
"The Damonds represent the amount of jewellery adorned by Simon Naden on a Saturday night..
" Spades epitomise the hole that Roy Clayton dug for himself by suggesting that Bob Wood was gay.
"The hearts resemble the 101 failed chat up lines used by Gibbo on a typical night in the White Hart.
"The Jack conjures an image of "Wor " Jackie Milburn and a certain group of Whaley Bridge City supporters driving home from Newcastle without a windscreen. How we all laughed when they got relegated.
"The Queen resembles the Freddie Marcury phase in Crompy's wardrobe.
"The King reminds me that Tony Beswick looks like Henry V!!!.
"The Ace will forever be linked with Nigel Gill and his amazing ability to fall on his feet.
"There are Two Eddie Ford's and Three Cup Competions in the Derbyshire and Cheshire Cricket League. Coincidentally, Neil Shaw has a Winners Medal in all three. Eddie Ford has none.
"The Burgers have Four members, but Bainey makes more money when they play unplugged.
"Todd Oldham puts Five logs on the Sheps fire every evening,( even in midsummer.)
"Jon Prior leaves his home at Six minutes past nine every evening
" Keith Wright is barred from all Seven Pubs in Whaley Bridge
"Bart enjoys Eight pints for his dinner.
"At least Nine Whaley Bridge Cricketers have worked for Thomsons Fruit and Veg.
"Alan Kelsall has won his purple V neck jumper for Ten years
I didn't have a clue what he was talking about.
